FEAR AND ANXIETY

Currently, I am reading a really good novel (more to come) and I would say the underling theme is the emotion  of an era in American history.  It fits right in with the current sermon series at church,

I Think

I Feel

I Am

It also nicely segues  into today's blog topic----anxiety and fear.  Anxiety seems to be epidemic in today's world and there is an entire class of pharmaceuticals out there for this malady.   I experienced a major anxiety attack  while driving home from Austin after visiting with #1 son and family over a decade ago.  I literally thought I was having a heart attack and had to pull over.  After calling my nurse friend, she explained what I was experiencing was anxiety.  My mind was in overdrive with all the "What If's".  My body was actually experiencing physical symptoms caused by my mind putting great stress on it.  I was living in the "Land of What Might/Could Happen".  There is a good reason God does not want us to be anxious----it saps the energy we could be productively using until we are literally good for nothing.  Rather than face things as they happen--we are dwelling on the what might happen.  Such a waste of time and energy.

One of the sermons in our current series defined anxiety as being "What might happen"

Then there is the moment when we are in the midst of danger, turmoil, chaos or strife.  My body has a strange reaction to periods of actual danger or threat of harm.  In the moment, I am fine---it is after all is said and done that I fall apart.  Last night one of my  alarms went off at 2:00 AM.  I immediately sprang from the bed with my heart racing trying to determine what was on fire.  Thankfully it was a low battery indicator on the carbon monoxide indicator that proceeded to screech every 10 minutes for two hours (WHY is it always in the middle of the night--NOT in broad daylight?)  In the moment, I was fearful there was  something in this three story building with multiple apartments was on fire.  In the moment I was fearful, because I had been warned there was danger present.  

The sermon defined fear as "It's actually happening"

There is the distinct difference of something which possibly--might---maybe happen and being in the heat of the occurrence.  God also does not want us to be fearful--even in the midst of it really happening.  What are we going to do with all this fear and anxiety?  If God allows us to have these emotions, but does not want us to suffer from them, what are we supposed to do?

Look to The Word-

Anxiety- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Philippians 4:6-7

Fear- "Fear not, for I am with you: Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you.  I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Anxiety & Fear- "Say to those who have anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God.  He will come and save you.' "  Isaiah 35:4

Bottom line---God desires for us to trust in Him---to leave our anxiety and fear behind--KNOWING He is faithfully with us---even in the worst of times~we can TRUST in HIM.  AND as you lean into Him time after time---it becomes easier and easier--based upon our experience that we CAN and SHOULD Trust HIm!

 

WHEN I AM STRONG

 I was raised to be a strong--independent woman.  My mother's life path was not an easy one and she had to gather her strength and put on a brave face--so many times.  One of the things she did reveal to me--in a small glimpse of her  trek through this life---was her first love.  The disapproval of the parents of this first love.  Disapproval to the point of managing to put an end to that relationship.    He was destined for college--law school---they were too young--and it was stopped by his parents--much to her heartbreak.

She survived the loss of her first child at full term--with Daddy off to WWII.  She survived the war years--living in a life of the unknown in a day of NO instant form of communication.  She survived the dread of seeing the Western Union deliverer coming to your front door.  She survived those years of dreading the worst you could imagine.  While grieving the loss of her first born.

There is more---much more---years of difficult times---but all that loss, anxiety, stress and grief began the growth of a tough outer shell.  The motto of sucking it up (my words not hers--she would NEVER say suck it up) --no matter how great the pain.  Never show your weakness, but instead swallow those tears and bear the pain--with a straight face.  No room for weakness--above all else be strong.

This has been a life lesson for me -- when I am  weak---HIs strength is visible through me.  We have all been told---God will never give you more than you can bear.  I do not agree with that statement.  Instead God may well give you more than you can bear--except for Him being  by your side.  He has promised in our weakness to be by our side---to uphold us---to bear our pain with us.  When I am strong,  I am placing myself on the throne---I am handling it.  When I admit---I am weak---I do not think I can do this---He shows Himself to me in a sweet--tender---faithful manner.  He upholds me in my weakness with His Strong Right Hand.  So where am I going---admit your weakness---allow Him to teach you His character by allowing yourself and others to see your vulnerability and weakness.  Allow Him to uphold you---and give Him the praise and glory for His strength and protection.  When I am strong, relying on my own strength---I have forsaken God's gift of love---when I am weak---He strength is proclaimed from the deepest realm of my soul.

"For the sake of Christ, then,

I am content with weaknesses, insults,

hardships, persecutions, and calamities.

For when I am weak,

then I am strong."

II Corinthians 12:10

PARABLES FROM LULU

I had a 2800 + square foot house while raising my children.  It was stuffed to the brim--their stuff, my stuff, hubby's stuff---LOTS OF STUFF!  AND I go through the stuff at least once a year and purge--but still stuff-stuff-and more stuff!

Since that time I have lived in various smaller size houses including the current 800 square feet apartment.  Each of them ended up filled with stuff. 

                        

The house I  am moving into, at the end of May, is a 1600 square foot house.  When I move, there will be plenty of room since I am more than doubling the size of my current abode.  After I reclaim furniture my offspring has used, and spreading things out, it will end up stuffed with stuff yet again if I am not careful.

All of that stuff in the original house (plus a garage, attic, and storage shed), I can honestly say I do not miss.  With each size house or apartment (2800 sq ft, 1800 sq.ft, 1300 sq ft., 800 sq ft & occasionally a repeat), I have ended up with stuff filling them.  There must be a scientific law similar to filling a vacuum, no matter what the size of the house--we manage to stuff it with stuff.

NOW--I consider myself a minimalist----and still the stuff can get overwhelming.  All you keepers (I will not call you hoarders), I do not know how you manage.  My rule of thumb--if I have not used or worn it in a year, it is out of here.  STILL it is a lot of stuff.  My son and daughter in law love to go to estate and garage sales.  I have enough stuff accumulated without taking on someone else's stuff!  

I recently commented on a friend's post who had just down sized, I have thought about going into business helping people to do their down sizing.  Quickly I realized I did not want to be universally hated by all the keepers, so one more how to make money scheme down the drain.

Having stuff is an energy drain.  You have to take care of all that stuff, you have to stress over where you put one particular piece in your treasure horde.  If you are not organized,  that is a problem unto itself since there are no rules or method in your storing.  

Where am I going--that stuff we drag around, think we cherish, seem to need---it does not add one iota of eternal consequence to your life.  AND--it has been my experience after clearing out my mother's stuff and helping with my in laws, when they went to assisted living and then the nursing home, most of it---no one will want.  Oh certainly there are some treasures, but the vast majority of it we take to the local thrift store.  All that time and energy over all those years---and the stuff we cannot live without--no one wants.  A sad commentary on where we place our importance.  I am vowing with this move--to think long and hard about everything I put in my space.  Do I really need it, do I want to spend my energy taking care of it---does it have eternal consequence?  PLEASE HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE!

"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,

where neither moth nor rust destroys,

and where thieves do not break in or steal.

for where your treasure is, 

there your heart will be."

Matthew 6:19-21

CHANGE IS A COMING

 There are times I become frustrated when others do not take my good advice.  I can see the errors of their ways and have a good solution for them.  My blogging friend, Martha, commented on THIS blog about how painful it can be to sit back and listen without inserting our advice, wisdom, or opinion.  Yes, as discussed in the blog that day, when we are a born "fixer", it absolutely goes against our grain to not give our good advice.  With every ounce of my being I want to "come up with a plan" to solve their dilemma.  Most of the time, when others are speaking with me--they are not looking for a solution---many times only affirmation--others help with processing by listening.

My sister in law commented she was praying for the Holy Spirit to convict her of the need to keep her mouth shut and just listen.  She is like me--a middle child---born fixers.  Many times we think a change needs to be made by the speaker.  We see the error in their ways--and know if only they would change--it would be their answer.  BUT---they are not going to change--just because we think they should.  Many flat down right refuse to change.  We might come away from the conversation frustrated for their refusal to change, but the real frustration is with the speaker. 

The only one in this two way conversation we have any control over is ME.  I am the one in need of change. I am the one who may need to change my way of doing things.  When we hit the brick wall of frustration over another being unwilling to change their ways---we have to recognize and realize---we cannot force anyone to do anything.  SO the change may need to be in myself---I might need to recognize there is a  limit in control over the actions of others.  I might need to graciously listen--and realize--no matter what my feelings---I have no control over anyone else.

With my change in attitude, I am taking myself off the throne.  How much better would my life be if I could quit trying to be the one with all the answers.  If I could back away, keep still, and listen.  There is always the opportunity to change--the question is am I willing?

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests,

but also to the interests of others."

Philippians 2:4

STEALTH

 It seems I have always known what stealth means, but did not hear it used a great deal until the advent of the stealth bomber in 1977.  Here is what Dr. Google has to say about stealth aircraft ~

"While no aircraft is completely invisible to radar, stealth aircraft make it more difficult to detect or track the aircraft effectively, increasing the odds of an aircraft avoiding detection by enemy radar and/or avoiding being successfully targeted by radar guided weapons. " There is more--but this gives you the gist of stealth aircraft.

The entire point is to avoid detection.

There is a new trend and term floating around in university towns---STEALTH DORMS.  We have street after street of these houses in Fort Worth--especially in areas close to the local university.  When driving through the residential streets surrounding the university there is a slow trend of tearing down the old and putting up these multi- story homes which have the appearance of a large family home.  Upon closer examination, there are hints of who really lives in these monstrosities.  One would be the concrete back yard for parking multiple vehicles and then there is the circular drive in front which will also hold several vehicles.  Then there is the low maintenance--minimal landscaping, along with usually two front doors.  AND the "Let The Secret of the Bag Dead Give Away" ~ the Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night parties.  All efforts to blend in as a family home are for nil when every light is on, music is blaring, and the overflow of party goers is spilling out of the front doors.  The neighbors are NOT happy when they see one of these being built on their street.  As the old saying goes- "There goes the neighborhood".  All efforts of blending in to the neighborhood are now swept away and what once was stealth has had its cover blown.

The beauty and charm of a decades old neighborhood have been encroached by this huge house with multiple students residing there.  The latest in the ongoing trend of gentrification of cities.

Where could I be going?  Are we guilty of being Stealth Believers?  WHAT?  Do we disguise our belief by emulating the appearance of those around us?  Do we always openly portray our faith, or are we trying to just fit in?  Are we lukewarm---in an effort to avoid confrontation?  Thoughts while walking down a street filled with stealth dorms---am I hiding behind the world?

"I know what you have done;

I know that you are neither cold or hot.

How I wish you were either one or the other!

But because you are lukewarm,

neither hot or cold,

I am going to split you out of my mouth."

Revelation 3:15-16

COME AND GONE

 Well here we are on April 16, and another tax day has come and gone.  After years of this being the day I took a huge sigh of relief, it now is just another day.   Some years, I pause and thank God that is all behind me now; but I have had years go by that I literally did not even think about all those  years when this was a day of taking a HUGE breath of relief.  The deadline was past---and life went back to normal after three and a half months of long hours and nose to the grindstone.

Last week, we all experienced the eclipse to some degree.  There was a huge build up in the media to that memorable day.  Some of us were in the full dark in the middle of the day, some were under clouds, and some were inside building with no opportunity to see the view.  Where ever you were and whatever your circumstance--the day is now come and gone---in the blink of an eye.

When I think of all the dates, there are so many I had great anticipation of as I waited for them to roll around.   I think of the birth of my children and grands; Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, vacations, and a host of other causes for celebration.  And then there are those days which were anticipated but more with dread than joy.  Those days when dear loved ones said there final good byes is the very top of that list.  All to say---there are significant days in our time lines--but when the day has ended---they have come and they are now gone and we are left with only a memory.  Memories are the vapors left when the clock turns over to the next day--the future.

I am so thankful for memories---and all the joy they bring me.  I am also in awe that in God there is no time---he is the past, today and the future all at once.  I cannot help but be curious if when I have crossed over to be in His presence---if I will also be able to be present in every moment of my life.  Idle curiosity which really does not matter--for I will be in the presence of God Almighty and Jesus Christ.  All else--pales once all is come and gone.

"For thus says the One who is high and lifted up,

who inhabits eternity"

Isaiah 57:15

DEAD AS A HAMMER

 One morning last week, I was scheduled to drive one of the grands who had early morning band practice to school.  NOW- the really good thing about what I am about to tell you is I am always an early bird.  I don't mind sitting in front of their house and waiting a few minutes and actually prefer it so we are not late.  Once I get there and text I am there-they get into high gear getting out the door.  Lulu is known to give punctuality lectures occasionally.  That and organization are my two favorite topics for the lecture circuit.  Being organized and punctual are HIGH on my list.  OFF THE TOPIC--SORRY!  This particular morning when I tried to start my car---NADA---DEAD AS A HAMMER!  Well actually, it gave a half hearted attempt to no avail.  SO long story short---I still drove him, but his mother had to come get me and I had to take her back home to walk the two littles to their school.  THEN I had to get the car back to her to drive the next one's carpool.  Next year there will be 4 in 4 different schools---it takes a spreadsheet now to keep up with it all--that will really be fun!

So after doing some yard work at #2 son's house, #1 Daughter drove me home and we hooked the battery up to a charger.  Now that there is Youtube--we women can be even more independent when it comes to all those manly jobs and chores.  In all honesty, we did send her hubby a few pictures to be certain it was all hooked up correctly.  SO a few hours of charging and the car starts again.  So I make an appointment at the dealership to have the battery replaced--thinking even if I have to recharge it---I can get there for that needed energy source--the new battery.

That very night  when I went to check if the car would still start--NADA.  So I plug it into the charger for the night--thinking I can get it started  the next morning to keep my appointment.  Morning comes and---DEAD AS A HAMMER!  Desperate times call for desperate measures--I call the dealership.  LONG story short--they have a remote mechanic who is coming to install a new battery.  When he asked if I would be home---my answer---"Well, yes, since I have a dead battery and no way to get going--I will be here."  The car will not start unless it has an energy source to get it going.

I know you know where this is going.  How many mornings have my eyes opened to only think, "I'm exhausted---I just cannot do this today---my get up and go has got up and went."  Exactly like the car---I need an energy source to get my motor running and it's more than coffee.  My day begins with time in The Word--hearing from The Father.  By the time I have finished today's reading I am awake and my motor is running.  He has restored my body--and my soul.  AND just like the remote mechanic, He comes to me--when I call upon HIs name.  Praise God for His faithful presence AND providing remote mechanics!

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trust in Him,

and He helps me."

Psalm 28:7